Acting is my Stalker

Hello, my little monkeys. Miss me? No? Pssssh, whatever. Not like I care...

The reason I have been away from this blog for so long is because, honestly, (can't believe I'm going to admit this) I.... I.... I have been questioning my desire to be an actor.
Now, don't get me wrong. In the past, I have been frustrated, I have been angry, I have questioned my talent, but I have never, NEVER, questioned my want of this profession and this life.

This, quite simply, scared me. I could elaborate, but please do not underestimate just how much this frightened me.

You know what every acting teacher says. If you can see yourself doing something else for a living, DO IT. If you don't have a burning need to be an actor, DON'T. Make room for the people who do want it, and save yourself a lifetime of rejection.

So, after a lot of thought (and a little therapy) I decided to take a break and go to Africa and volunteer. Get away from NY, figure things out while doing something good for the world.

What's that? Running away? No, of course I'm not, um, running away. I'm.... uh....
Ok, running may be a part of it, but I also would truly like to do a big volunteer project before I die... and make one last effort at getting tan. If I don't get tan in Ghana, it's hopeless.

Anyway, so I have just been focusing on work at the bar, moving into my very OWN apartment, and planning this trip, when two amazing things happened in very close succession.

At the bar where I work, there is karaoke 3 nights a week. I love working these nights because it's not crazy busy, and I LOVE doing karaoke. (don't tell me you didn't see that coming)
One of the bartenders can't sing, so I go up there with him to provide backup and snarky comments to the song lyrics and we have a great time.
I'm telling you this because about a week ago, I was working in the bar and this woman came up to me, and I will now try to recreate the conversation for you, including my thoughts at the time:

Woman: Excuse me, (noise of the bar) Mustang Sally?
Me: Um, what?
Woman: Did you sing Mustang Sally?
Me: Oh, haha, at karaoke? Yeah, that was me. (seriously? is this woman crazy?)
Woman: Oh, good. I just wanted to tell you I thought you had amazing stage presence and very good comedic timing.
Me: Aw, thank you, I was just trying to back up Smitty. You should get up there and sing! (wow, those are very specific compliments. at karaoke? she must be drunk)
Woman: You are sooo pretty! You looked so pretty up there.
Me: Thank you, that's so sweet. (oh she's nice. i know.)
Woman: Listen, I work at a talent management company. When you get a minute, come find me, I'd like to talk to you.
Me: Oh!.... Ok, you got it. (WSKJFBujbiulhsuiIUBGIGBISFBILF!!!!!?????)

So, obviously, I went and talked to her, and she wants me to come in and audition for her to represent me.
Now, I know what you're thinking, but I did my research. She's legit. And I'm going in to audition in a week.
Now, this may seem like a normal step in an actor's life, but let me remind you, I decided to take a break. This happened out of the blue at frickin KARAOKE.

On a completely different track, my best friend has formed an alliance with a movie producer (small-time but that's good because he'll actually listen to us and incorporate our opinion) and is putting together a series of short films about... well.... some really messed-up people. I did makeup for one of the short films and it actually looked pretty damn good. So now they're using me to do all the makeup for all the films which is awesome.

As you may or may not know, I have a bit of an obsession with serial killers. I love reading about them, watching movies, finding out about their sick, twisted minds, etc. I guess you could say it's a hobby. So, I've been the team's twisted adviser in addition to makeup artist.

Now, the producer came over the other day to discuss the possibility of turning the series into an actual TV show. My immediate response was that there must be a 'hook'. There must be something different. Ex: Dexter. Serial killer.... of serial killers. So he's a good guy. That's interesting.
A while ago we had discussed me playing a victim in the one of the films. Somehow over about 30 minutes of brainstorming, we had combined two classic thousand-year-old stories into an idea. Now, I would love to tell you, but someone might steal it (tiny chance, I know, but hey-ho people are crazy). Suffice to say, I somehow talked out an idea where the show would star.... ME. As the victim.
Nothing is set in stone yet, but just as a possibility... wow.

Now, let me remind you AGAIN, I chose to leave this life behind for a while. I had no intentions of taking another shot at this for at least a few months, but somehow, it followed me.

Now, I'm a big believer in everything happening for a reason. If these things had not happened so close together, I might have written it off as a fluke. But they both happened right when I needed it most, when I was at my shakiest as an artist. There is no way this did NOT happen for a very specific reason.

I think the Universe is telling me that I was on the right path. That this is the life for me. To not give up, to keep trying and fight through the dark because this is the existence I was supposed to have. That I am an artist.

I think the Universe is telling me not to run.