Oh to Have a Gingerbread House

I know, I know, dear faithful readers (all 3 of you) it's been forever. I do have a good excuse for my absence, but I don't think I'm quite at the stage where I can talk about it and the disasterous learning experience it turned out to be. For now I will do what I do best, which is say what's on my mind.

And that is... FOOD. Well, food, health, exercise, womens bodies and what is expected of them, all of that. But mostly FOOD.

There are many of you out there that will not understand what I'm about to say. I know this. I used to be one of you. I promise I will go into more relatable topics later, but for now, I know I speak for many women out there when I say food has become a bit of an obsession for me over the last year or so. And not in a good and healthy way.

Pretty much my entire life I was blessed with lightning fast metabolism. No matter what I ate, it had no effect on my waistline and I never gave it a second thought.
But as we all know, change happens. My metabolism slowed down, my body started responding to what it ingested, and years and years of not noticing what was on my plate turned into me not knowing how to limit portions or develop healthy eating habits.

The result is now I am at the heaviest I've ever been, and food with carbs or fat of any kind has (in my mind) been turned more taboo than making fun of Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.

I would like to change this and form a more healthy relationship with food and my own body. Don't get me wrong, I have confidence in my physical appearance, but as a lot of women know, what we see in the mirror and what the world sees are very often two entirely different things.

Just as a side note, one thing about "embracing your curves" irritates me. It seems the standard is, embrace your curves... as long as you have a big rack. If your boobs balance out the other curves, you're fine. But if you are not blessed in the balcony, you better make sure the rest of your body is fit and tight, then at least there is a reason for it. I do think big curvy women are gorgeous, but when the itty bitty titty club gains a few, it seems out of whack. Anyone else feel this way? No? Fine, I don't mind if it's just me.

ANYWAY...

The pressure is always on women to look a certain way, and even more so in showbiz. It's literally our job to look our best at all times... which doesn't do well for trying to focus LESS on food. I'm flying out to LA in about 3 weeks to meet with some industry people, and I know if I'm not confident about where my body is it will come across. Change doesn't happen overnight. I don't know if I can make a significant change, but I'm going to try. Losing weight is not an instant gratification process, which sucks for me.

And if anyone has any helpful advice, please share. I know I'm not alone in this, but it's not something I tend to talk to people about, so it can make one feel isolated.

I guess for now I will at least try to enjoy the 'forbidden fruit' aspect (pardon the pun) of all this. In other words, desserts now get me hotter than a shot of prairie fire.