The End of An Era

I don't really know how to say this. I mean, I know what I want to say, but I don't want to hurt... Listen, before I say any of this I just need you to know how much I love you and how much these last 7 years have meant to me. You've given me more than I ever imagined, and I wouldn't be the same person without you...
But I've changed. I'm ready to move on with my life, I need a place where I can grow. Dammit, I need space!

I guess I just have to say it.

NYC: I'm breaking up with you.

Yes, folks. This die-hard NY fan, accustomed and addicted to 4 am last calls, 24 hour delivery, broadway plays, subway musicals, and an unbeatable skyline is moving, of all places, to LA.

Take a moment. Shed a tear. I've shed a more than a few trying to come to terms with this.

The weird thing is that this really feels like a break-up. I have all sorts of emotions going on right now, ranging from sadness to excitement to guilt to nostalgia... It's driving me insane. How have I reached the point where I feel like I'm betraying a fucking city?? I wasn't born here, I haven't even reached the full 10-year New Yorker requirement, and god knows if I was in a relationship with NYC it was bipolar and emotionally abusive AT BEST.
But for some reason, I do.

The journey from 18 to 25 is rocky for everyone. It's when you go from trying to make your life what you THINK you want it to look like, to actually figuring out what YOU want, independent of anyone else. Screw puberty, this is the time I went from childhood to adulthood.
And, barring a couple of months here and there, I did it all in New York.

When I think back about the person I was when I came here, I know that my core beliefs really haven't changed. Be nice to people, don't murder, baby animals are awesome, etc. But I have changed in many big and small ways. Whether giving me the opportunity to meet incredible/awful people, go to incredible/awful performances, or see incredible/awful sights right on the street, I have to say that NYC is certainly a city of abundance. More than anything, an abundance of opportunities to learn.
Since being here, I've learned more than I ever dreamed about acting, friendship, drinking, mental and physical health, love, success, failure, sex, connection, being alone... So many lessons crammed into just 7 years. Not all of it was fun to learn. In fact, most of it wasn't. But I am a better, smarter, and tougher person for all of it.
And, let's be honest, I had a hell of a lot of fun in between.

I could list all the reasons here why I'm moving to LA. The problem is, those reasons change on a day-to-day basis. Sure, I'm looking to get more into film and there are more jobs there. Sure, I like beaches and hiking and camping, along with not having to travel for 3 hours to get to said activities. Sure, there are certain people I can't wait to see. Sure, I need a fresh start to go with this new person I've been becoming over the last year or so.
But honestly, more than anything... WHY NOT?
I'm 25! I'm independent! I'm young, smart, and beautiful! There is literally no better time to pick up my whole life and move it across the country just to see what happens.

So, rather than spend all my time looking back at what I'm going to miss, I've been trying to focus my energy into looking ahead at what could be. What this could mean for my life and my goals. Honestly, I've spent a lot of my time since making this decision in a pretty negative place, but that is all fear talking. Change is not easy. NY taught me that. It also taught me a lot about hope. I'm gonna let hope talk for a while.
And hey, LA may not be the master teacher that NYC has been, but everyone has something to teach, right?

And just to make the transition a little easier, MJ and I will be taking a 10 day roadtrip from NYC to LA, as a last hoorah, and fulfilling the dream of 'that trip' we always talked about taking together. It's going to be crazy fun, as long as we both make it out alive. (Just joking of course. Sort of.)

Yes, I'm scared. And I have the feeling that I will be looking back on these years with a lot of fondness and a little nausea for years to come.
But I'm also excited. And getting more excited every day.

Plus, you know, I can always move back ;-)