Well, I've made it. I'm on the West Coast. It still feels like a vacation, and every time the thought "I actually live here now" occurs to me, I have a mini anxiety attack, but I made it.
If anyone is wondering how the road trip went, it was great, but I'm not going to write about it here. I was pretty good about keeping an actual, physical journal through the whole shebang, and I think for once I'm going to keep my thoughts on all that to myself. If you are seriously dying for details, ask me in person, look at pictures on facebook, or watch the vlogs that we made on the road. They're pretty entertaining.
Suffice to say, MJ is strongly considering (in fact pretty much has already decided on) moving here. 10 days from scoffing at my choice to wanting to follow? Take from that what you will :-)
I have been noticing quite a lot lately that everyone here seems to move... well, much much slower. In NYC, when you order a sandwich, that sandwich will be made, wrapped up, and labeled in a matter of seconds. I've seen some deli guys wrap a sandwich tight enough for space travel in under 5 seconds, it's really quite remarkable.
Here, it's a different story. The only people who seem to be in any sort of rush are LA drivers (and to those of you who feel the overwhelming need to drive erratically from lane to lane, or even off the road itself to get a car or two ahead, you are a disgusting lump of overinflated moose snot with the patience of a 4 year old with ADHD, and you need a simultaneous lobotomy/enema). Moseying is too strong a word, but I will say people here just sort of... amble along. It's really weird, and when my deli lady wants to have a conversation with me rather than make my sandwich and move on to the next, I feel like something is out of kilter with the universe.
In fact, the happiest people I've seen here are always the people who work in sandwich shops. What is it about this job that makes your day so sunny?? TELL ME YOUR SECRETS, SANDWICH GODS!!
Anyway... This prompted me to think about some other immediate differences I've found between the coasts.
Keep in mind these are simply my first impressions, I'm no expert on LA. In fact I'm not really an expert on anything, so woe befall the fool who takes anything I say seriously.
Believe it or not, the people here (exempting sandwich slaves) are meaner than in NYC. There is a weird, unspoken rule in NYC that, because there is so little space, you respect and properly ignore how close people get to you in crowded situations like subways and elevators and free concerts. We mostly do this odd personal space shrinkage, where even as you're standing right up against someone else, you don't make eye contact and respect that space.
Here, you need to give people a WIDE berth, or they will call you out on it. I saw this happen just the other day when this dumb bitch snapped on a guy behind her "What are we, cuddling? You're a little close!". Keep in mind, this guy was far away by NY standards, but even if he wasn't, a simple look of uneasiness will usually suffice to send a message. No need to get snappish about it.
No matter what some who live here may say, LA is still, in a big way, playing catch-up with NYC in terms of food. Yes, there are some great restaurants scattered around, and the down and dirty Mexican food is great, but delivery needs to be punched up a notch, and most restaurants, unless you have a personal foodie guide (and I do, thank the flying spaghetti monster), are uninspired and mediocre. Fresh and organic food is more easily available, but there is nowhere I've seen, except for Whole Foods, that has a build-your-own salad bar. WHAT is that about?
Dress code. I have almost stopped myself from going out in flip flops at least 5 times, only to be assured that most places will apparently welcome you in even if you look like you just came off of the set of Blue Lagoon. Everywhere I go, there is a very eclectic mix of levels of formality, but in terms of most people having individual style, point goes to NYC.
I will say that both cities are pretty obsessed with how much better they are than every other city in the world, but people in NYC don't talk about it nearly as much as people do here. NYers simply are better, they don't need to talk about it unless asked directly. LAers are constantly talking about how great LA is, and how beautiful the weather is, and how amazing the bars are, and how stimulating the culture is.
The lady doth protest too much, methinks.
The thing I miss most about NYC is how assured I was, or eventually became, living there. I always knew pretty much where I was going and how to get there, and even if I got lost, I could find my way back. I know learning this new city will take time, but I didn't realize how much of a luxury it was to really know a city, to feel like, at times, you own it. Here, I'm out of my element, and it's very uncomfortable.
I'd like to say a few words about the few people that I really really miss, but I'm just going to start crying if I do, and then I might make an egregious grammatical error, and I would never forgive myself. For now, I'll just say that to those few people (and you know who you are) I miss you every day. Specifically to Astoria, the Financial District, and Williamsburgh, I send my love from the west.
That's all for now. More on this later. And, if you'd like to see the first road trip vlog from MJ and myself, click on this underlined thing here:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bSxyL7_SYfo
Thursday, October 4, 2012
Tuesday, September 4, 2012
The Method, Part 2
Ok, now that you've all read my incredibly boring curly backround, it's time to get to the real stuff.
I have literally spent years trying to find the magic secret to perfect curls, and I think I'm almost there. I admit, I'm a total "product junkie" and I'm always looking for the next Holy Grail of hair care to set me right. Between deep conditioning, straightening balm, sulfate-free shampoo, moroccan oil, frizz serum, scrunching gel, finishing cream, and up to 5 conditioners in my shower at the same time, it's gotten a tad out of control at times. I actually have 4 different products on their way to me in the mail right now. Hey, every curly has a different hair cocktail. Don't judge me.
But I have since figured out it's not totally about the products you pack on, but it's about how to care for your hair itself.
That's where the Curly Girl Method comes in.
(to be referred to from here on out as "CG")
"What is the CG method?" you may blindly ask. Well, sit down and have a drink, 'cause I'mma tell you.
CG is all about protecting curly hair and keeping it as healthy as possible. The basic idea is that curly hair generally has a weaker hair shaft than straight hair. Because of all the curves and bends, the hair cuticle is naturally more open and porous, and therefore loses moisture much more easily and quickly.
Most shampoos have something called sulfates in them, which is the active ingredient used to clean the hair. However, sulfates are very harsh cleansers and extremely drying on hair. It's the same active ingredient used in dishwashing soap. This strips the hair shaft of moisture, and for curly hair, this ends in disaster. If the curls are thirsty, they will soak up moisture from anywhere they can, and most often, it will be the humidity in the hair that is the most accessible.
And you all know what happens then. POOF.
Beyonce ain't the only one that can see your halo.
Now, to combat this excessive dryness that the sulfates have caused, most curly hair products (most conditioners in general too) use silicones to coat and slick down the hair shaft, thereby smoothing out curls and frizz. This is only a temporary fix, for the 'cones, as they are called in CG world, in addition to merely treating the symptom and not the cause, actually prevent moisture from entering the hair at all, leaving it parched underneath the fake sheen.
Not only that, but most silicones are so heavy that they can only be removed with... you guessed it... SULFATES.
So, we have the continuous catch-22 of hair care. We need silicones to cover up the damage the sulfates have done, but we need the sulfates to get the silicones out and clean the hair.
What is a curly to do???
It's quite simple actually. DON'T USE EITHER ONE OF THEM.
Now, it's true that some shampoos are made without sulfates, but if you want to go true CG, all you really need to wash your hair is... conditioner!
"Ew, that won't get my hair clean! How gross!"
Au contraire, my fair weather readers.
Curly hair needs all the moisture it can get. All you have to do is massage conditioner into your scalp, and the movement of your fingers plus the mild cleansing properties of the conditioner will be enough to loosen the dirt and oil enough to be rinsed out, and viola! Clean hair! Some girls use a lighter conditioner for 'co-washing' and a heavier one for actual conditioning, but you don't have to.
And let me just say, I have not washed my hair with shampoo in almost 6 months. My scalp is perfectly clean and healthy. If I really feel like I need it, I do a rinse with 2 cups of warm water, 2 tablespoons of apple cider vinegar, and 1 teaspoon of tea tree oil (for flakes) and it gets any residual product and oil right out. Not to mention the ACV makes my hair crazy shiny. Condition after, and you're ready to go.
Now, I will admit, when you transition to CG, the hardest part is seeing just how many of your current products have sulfates and silicones in them. When I checked, all but 1 of my products were not CG approved.
Let me say it again: Out of over 15 hair products, I could only keep using 1.
It took a lot to just toss all that money out the window, but it's totally been worth it. My hair is moisturized, healthy, bouncy, and pretty consistently forms the ringlets that I love so much.
There are more things you can do to help your hair, but that main no-sulfates-no-silicones philosophy is the core of being a CG. Some other CG tips include:
- Deep conditioning once a week
- Using only wide-toothed combs or finger combing, and only while in the shower
- Scrunching excess water out of your hair with old t-shirts or microfiber towels (NEVER use regular towels, they will pull on your hair and make it frizz)
- Using as little heat as possible, air drying is best if you have time
- Finger curling some pieces on top to make them look more uniform
- Finding out what type of curls you have and therefore what specific products to use
- "Clipping" hair at the root for added volume at the crown
All that is part of it too. But the main plan is to keep as much moisture in your hair as possible. When your hair is moisturized from the inside out, it won't be so desperate for the humidity in the air, and your hair will actually make it through the day.. or 2 or 3 if you're lucky!
I'll put some links that I have found incredibly useful if you feel like you need some more education/inspiration.
First, if you feel like you need more inspiration to go CG, here are only about a million before and after examples:
http://www.naturallycurly.com/curltalk/general-discussion-about-curly-hair/47609-post-your-before-after-cg-pics.html
Here is a more detailed step-by-step guide of CG, in case I didn't explain it well enough, or if I was too snarky for you:
http://www.wikihow.com/Follow-the-Curly-Girl-Method-for-Curly-Hair
Here is some scientific info on hair, in case you want to know more about why it works:
http://livecurlylivefree.com/curly%20hair%20basics.htm
If you're wondering how to identify products that don't have the SS demon duo, here are the ingredients to watch out for:
http://livecurlylivefree.com/product%20ingredients.htm
Here's where you can get a general idea of your curl type:
http://www.naturallycurly.com/texture-typing?utm_source=naturallycurly&utm_medium=bighighlight&utm_campaign=TTV4
This is from the website of the guy who recently cut my hair and convinced me to go CG forever. He rocked the cut, and has so many amazing tips, I'm in love:
http://www.nyccurls.com/knowyourcurl.html
Here is where you can look for products that fit you, read reviews, and easily see if they have evil ingredients:
http://www.naturallycurly.com/curlproducts/search
Deep conditioning is not a requirement, but they help SO MUCH, and you can even make your own! Here are some recipes:
http://www.curlynikki.com/2010/05/homemade-deep-conditioner-recipes.html
If you don't know what conditioner to start with, this crazy bitch systematically tries and reviews dozens of conditioners. I'm thankful, yet I pity her:
http://www.naturallycurly.com/curltalk/general-discussion-about-curly-hair/10605-conditioner-chronicles.html
Just to remind you that curly is beautiful, this tumblr makes me happy and proud to be curly:
http://welovecurls.tumblr.com/
For further research, http://www.naturallycurly.com/, http://www.curlynikki.com/, http://livecurlylivefree.com/, and http://www.curlmart.com/ are havens of information on what to do, what to get, and where to get it.
Go on, educate and treat yo'self. You deserve it.
Well, I do anyway. I'm assuming you do too.
Whew. That was all a mouthful. I hope some part of this helps you in any way. Love your hair, love yourself.
I have literally spent years trying to find the magic secret to perfect curls, and I think I'm almost there. I admit, I'm a total "product junkie" and I'm always looking for the next Holy Grail of hair care to set me right. Between deep conditioning, straightening balm, sulfate-free shampoo, moroccan oil, frizz serum, scrunching gel, finishing cream, and up to 5 conditioners in my shower at the same time, it's gotten a tad out of control at times. I actually have 4 different products on their way to me in the mail right now. Hey, every curly has a different hair cocktail. Don't judge me.
But I have since figured out it's not totally about the products you pack on, but it's about how to care for your hair itself.
That's where the Curly Girl Method comes in.
(to be referred to from here on out as "CG")
"What is the CG method?" you may blindly ask. Well, sit down and have a drink, 'cause I'mma tell you.
CG is all about protecting curly hair and keeping it as healthy as possible. The basic idea is that curly hair generally has a weaker hair shaft than straight hair. Because of all the curves and bends, the hair cuticle is naturally more open and porous, and therefore loses moisture much more easily and quickly.
Most shampoos have something called sulfates in them, which is the active ingredient used to clean the hair. However, sulfates are very harsh cleansers and extremely drying on hair. It's the same active ingredient used in dishwashing soap. This strips the hair shaft of moisture, and for curly hair, this ends in disaster. If the curls are thirsty, they will soak up moisture from anywhere they can, and most often, it will be the humidity in the hair that is the most accessible.
And you all know what happens then. POOF.
Beyonce ain't the only one that can see your halo.
Now, to combat this excessive dryness that the sulfates have caused, most curly hair products (most conditioners in general too) use silicones to coat and slick down the hair shaft, thereby smoothing out curls and frizz. This is only a temporary fix, for the 'cones, as they are called in CG world, in addition to merely treating the symptom and not the cause, actually prevent moisture from entering the hair at all, leaving it parched underneath the fake sheen.
Not only that, but most silicones are so heavy that they can only be removed with... you guessed it... SULFATES.
So, we have the continuous catch-22 of hair care. We need silicones to cover up the damage the sulfates have done, but we need the sulfates to get the silicones out and clean the hair.
What is a curly to do???
It's quite simple actually. DON'T USE EITHER ONE OF THEM.
Now, it's true that some shampoos are made without sulfates, but if you want to go true CG, all you really need to wash your hair is... conditioner!
"Ew, that won't get my hair clean! How gross!"
Au contraire, my fair weather readers.
Curly hair needs all the moisture it can get. All you have to do is massage conditioner into your scalp, and the movement of your fingers plus the mild cleansing properties of the conditioner will be enough to loosen the dirt and oil enough to be rinsed out, and viola! Clean hair! Some girls use a lighter conditioner for 'co-washing' and a heavier one for actual conditioning, but you don't have to.
And let me just say, I have not washed my hair with shampoo in almost 6 months. My scalp is perfectly clean and healthy. If I really feel like I need it, I do a rinse with 2 cups of warm water, 2 tablespoons of apple cider vinegar, and 1 teaspoon of tea tree oil (for flakes) and it gets any residual product and oil right out. Not to mention the ACV makes my hair crazy shiny. Condition after, and you're ready to go.
Now, I will admit, when you transition to CG, the hardest part is seeing just how many of your current products have sulfates and silicones in them. When I checked, all but 1 of my products were not CG approved.
Let me say it again: Out of over 15 hair products, I could only keep using 1.
It took a lot to just toss all that money out the window, but it's totally been worth it. My hair is moisturized, healthy, bouncy, and pretty consistently forms the ringlets that I love so much.
There are more things you can do to help your hair, but that main no-sulfates-no-silicones philosophy is the core of being a CG. Some other CG tips include:
- Deep conditioning once a week
- Using only wide-toothed combs or finger combing, and only while in the shower
- Scrunching excess water out of your hair with old t-shirts or microfiber towels (NEVER use regular towels, they will pull on your hair and make it frizz)
- Using as little heat as possible, air drying is best if you have time
- Finger curling some pieces on top to make them look more uniform
- Finding out what type of curls you have and therefore what specific products to use
- "Clipping" hair at the root for added volume at the crown
All that is part of it too. But the main plan is to keep as much moisture in your hair as possible. When your hair is moisturized from the inside out, it won't be so desperate for the humidity in the air, and your hair will actually make it through the day.. or 2 or 3 if you're lucky!
I'll put some links that I have found incredibly useful if you feel like you need some more education/inspiration.
First, if you feel like you need more inspiration to go CG, here are only about a million before and after examples:
http://www.naturallycurly.com/curltalk/general-discussion-about-curly-hair/47609-post-your-before-after-cg-pics.html
Here is a more detailed step-by-step guide of CG, in case I didn't explain it well enough, or if I was too snarky for you:
http://www.wikihow.com/Follow-the-Curly-Girl-Method-for-Curly-Hair
Here is some scientific info on hair, in case you want to know more about why it works:
http://livecurlylivefree.com/curly%20hair%20basics.htm
If you're wondering how to identify products that don't have the SS demon duo, here are the ingredients to watch out for:
http://livecurlylivefree.com/product%20ingredients.htm
Here's where you can get a general idea of your curl type:
http://www.naturallycurly.com/texture-typing?utm_source=naturallycurly&utm_medium=bighighlight&utm_campaign=TTV4
This is from the website of the guy who recently cut my hair and convinced me to go CG forever. He rocked the cut, and has so many amazing tips, I'm in love:
http://www.nyccurls.com/knowyourcurl.html
Here is where you can look for products that fit you, read reviews, and easily see if they have evil ingredients:
http://www.naturallycurly.com/curlproducts/search
Deep conditioning is not a requirement, but they help SO MUCH, and you can even make your own! Here are some recipes:
http://www.curlynikki.com/2010/05/homemade-deep-conditioner-recipes.html
If you don't know what conditioner to start with, this crazy bitch systematically tries and reviews dozens of conditioners. I'm thankful, yet I pity her:
http://www.naturallycurly.com/curltalk/general-discussion-about-curly-hair/10605-conditioner-chronicles.html
Just to remind you that curly is beautiful, this tumblr makes me happy and proud to be curly:
http://welovecurls.tumblr.com/
For further research, http://www.naturallycurly.com/, http://www.curlynikki.com/, http://livecurlylivefree.com/, and http://www.curlmart.com/ are havens of information on what to do, what to get, and where to get it.
Go on, educate and treat yo'self. You deserve it.
Well, I do anyway. I'm assuming you do too.
Whew. That was all a mouthful. I hope some part of this helps you in any way. Love your hair, love yourself.
Monday, September 3, 2012
The Method, Part 1
So, assuming you've read the title of this post, I'm sure you think that this will be about acting? Or, maybe how my move is going? Or maybe just how I manage to juggle a job, hobbies, and a social life all while staying fit with a smile on my face and shiny, perfect hair?
HAH. Especially if you thought anything about that last sentence was true. HAH.
Well, you're right about one thing. I'm going to write about my hair.
It doesn't always turn out shiny, and it sure is a far cry from perfect, but I've been making some changes to my routine over the last month or so, and in the last 2 weeks alone I've had more people ask me about my hair than in the last year.
Having curly hair is a blessing and a curse. Lately I've come to see it as more of the former, but growing up, it was a different story.
It seems like before about the year 1995, no one really knew a lot about curly hair. Any information available was supposed to apply to all hair types, whether it be cutting, brushing, cleaning, or setting your hair. Someone had finally turned curlies onto the diffuser, which helped, but for girls who lived in humid climates, trying to get your curls to look good and stay that way was next to impossible.
My own mom, who has full, beautiful hair, kept it in a pixie cut for most of high school in muggy South Florida, just because she didn't know what else to do with it. After she grew it out, she would blow-dry it most of the time, and it wasn't until after she married my dad she finally started to work with her natural texture. I have heard and read about similar stories so many times, and to those curlies who got through the 60's, 70's, and 80's without the products/information we have available today, I salute you.
As for me, I didn't really care much about my hair until middle school rolled around. Mom taught me to diffuse it, but beyond that, I just had no idea. I went from bushy, brushed-out hair, to helmet head ponytails, to crunchy misshapen curls, and all the while, frizz FRIZZ FRIZZ (using text size to demonstrate how it got progressively worse throughout the day). I got really good at the 'messy bun' look. Or, for me, a bun.
Basically, I spent days alternating which I hated more: my acne-prone skin, or my hair.
Through late high school and college, I found a mixture of products that more or less worked, but my hair would only feel healthy right after a cut, and never stayed that way for long. It always felt dry and just on the brink of total rebellion. I was treating the symptoms, not the cause.
Then, a few months ago, I decided to do some real research on my hair. I've been going to the same woman to cut my hair since middle school, and the 2 times I've 'cheated' on her, (and yes, that's what it felt like) I was horrified at the results. So, knowing this time around I would not have time to go home by the time I needed my next cut, I started looking up the real curl geniuses. I found one, but through his site, and about 100 links later, I found a storehouse of information on caring for curly hair; so much so that I found out styling, while important, is incidental. Healthy hair doesn't need or want you to mess with it much, and after hours and hours of research, I think I've stumbled upon a method that has changed the way I see my hair forever. I can now say, with no sarcasm, I LOVE my hair.
Not to mention that while yes, most guys prefer straight hair, the ones who like curly hair are REALLY REALLY into it. And hey, who can blame them?
This may all sound very shallow and narcissistic, but confidence is strongly linked to hair for many women, including me. My mom and sister always make fun of me for how much time I spend on my hair and face, but I feel like they are my best features, not to mention the ones people see first. I feel the most beautiful when I am healthy, and if my hair can project that, I can walk out the house with a little bit of swagger.
So, my fellow curlies, this is for you. In my next blog (Part 2), I'll give you a step-by-step idea of the method I follow, and some helpful links if you feel like educating yourself further on this matter.
And to my dear beloved girls just born with shiny, healthy, straight hair, just to make it clear: we don't hate you.
Well, ok, sometimes we hate you, but on our best hair days, we know you get jealous of us too :-)
HAH. Especially if you thought anything about that last sentence was true. HAH.
Well, you're right about one thing. I'm going to write about my hair.
It doesn't always turn out shiny, and it sure is a far cry from perfect, but I've been making some changes to my routine over the last month or so, and in the last 2 weeks alone I've had more people ask me about my hair than in the last year.
Having curly hair is a blessing and a curse. Lately I've come to see it as more of the former, but growing up, it was a different story.
It seems like before about the year 1995, no one really knew a lot about curly hair. Any information available was supposed to apply to all hair types, whether it be cutting, brushing, cleaning, or setting your hair. Someone had finally turned curlies onto the diffuser, which helped, but for girls who lived in humid climates, trying to get your curls to look good and stay that way was next to impossible.
My own mom, who has full, beautiful hair, kept it in a pixie cut for most of high school in muggy South Florida, just because she didn't know what else to do with it. After she grew it out, she would blow-dry it most of the time, and it wasn't until after she married my dad she finally started to work with her natural texture. I have heard and read about similar stories so many times, and to those curlies who got through the 60's, 70's, and 80's without the products/information we have available today, I salute you.
As for me, I didn't really care much about my hair until middle school rolled around. Mom taught me to diffuse it, but beyond that, I just had no idea. I went from bushy, brushed-out hair, to helmet head ponytails, to crunchy misshapen curls, and all the while, frizz FRIZZ FRIZZ (using text size to demonstrate how it got progressively worse throughout the day). I got really good at the 'messy bun' look. Or, for me, a bun.
Basically, I spent days alternating which I hated more: my acne-prone skin, or my hair.
Through late high school and college, I found a mixture of products that more or less worked, but my hair would only feel healthy right after a cut, and never stayed that way for long. It always felt dry and just on the brink of total rebellion. I was treating the symptoms, not the cause.
Then, a few months ago, I decided to do some real research on my hair. I've been going to the same woman to cut my hair since middle school, and the 2 times I've 'cheated' on her, (and yes, that's what it felt like) I was horrified at the results. So, knowing this time around I would not have time to go home by the time I needed my next cut, I started looking up the real curl geniuses. I found one, but through his site, and about 100 links later, I found a storehouse of information on caring for curly hair; so much so that I found out styling, while important, is incidental. Healthy hair doesn't need or want you to mess with it much, and after hours and hours of research, I think I've stumbled upon a method that has changed the way I see my hair forever. I can now say, with no sarcasm, I LOVE my hair.
Not to mention that while yes, most guys prefer straight hair, the ones who like curly hair are REALLY REALLY into it. And hey, who can blame them?
This may all sound very shallow and narcissistic, but confidence is strongly linked to hair for many women, including me. My mom and sister always make fun of me for how much time I spend on my hair and face, but I feel like they are my best features, not to mention the ones people see first. I feel the most beautiful when I am healthy, and if my hair can project that, I can walk out the house with a little bit of swagger.
So, my fellow curlies, this is for you. In my next blog (Part 2), I'll give you a step-by-step idea of the method I follow, and some helpful links if you feel like educating yourself further on this matter.
And to my dear beloved girls just born with shiny, healthy, straight hair, just to make it clear: we don't hate you.
Well, ok, sometimes we hate you, but on our best hair days, we know you get jealous of us too :-)
Thursday, August 30, 2012
The End of An Era
I don't really know how to say this. I mean, I know what I want to say, but I don't want to hurt... Listen, before I say any of this I just need you to know how much I love you and how much these last 7 years have meant to me. You've given me more than I ever imagined, and I wouldn't be the same person without you...
But I've changed. I'm ready to move on with my life, I need a place where I can grow. Dammit, I need space!
I guess I just have to say it.
NYC: I'm breaking up with you.
Yes, folks. This die-hard NY fan, accustomed and addicted to 4 am last calls, 24 hour delivery, broadway plays, subway musicals, and an unbeatable skyline is moving, of all places, to LA.
Take a moment. Shed a tear. I've shed a more than a few trying to come to terms with this.
The weird thing is that this really feels like a break-up. I have all sorts of emotions going on right now, ranging from sadness to excitement to guilt to nostalgia... It's driving me insane. How have I reached the point where I feel like I'm betraying a fucking city?? I wasn't born here, I haven't even reached the full 10-year New Yorker requirement, and god knows if I was in a relationship with NYC it was bipolar and emotionally abusive AT BEST.
But for some reason, I do.
The journey from 18 to 25 is rocky for everyone. It's when you go from trying to make your life what you THINK you want it to look like, to actually figuring out what YOU want, independent of anyone else. Screw puberty, this is the time I went from childhood to adulthood.
And, barring a couple of months here and there, I did it all in New York.
When I think back about the person I was when I came here, I know that my core beliefs really haven't changed. Be nice to people, don't murder, baby animals are awesome, etc. But I have changed in many big and small ways. Whether giving me the opportunity to meet incredible/awful people, go to incredible/awful performances, or see incredible/awful sights right on the street, I have to say that NYC is certainly a city of abundance. More than anything, an abundance of opportunities to learn.
Since being here, I've learned more than I ever dreamed about acting, friendship, drinking, mental and physical health, love, success, failure, sex, connection, being alone... So many lessons crammed into just 7 years. Not all of it was fun to learn. In fact, most of it wasn't. But I am a better, smarter, and tougher person for all of it.
And, let's be honest, I had a hell of a lot of fun in between.
I could list all the reasons here why I'm moving to LA. The problem is, those reasons change on a day-to-day basis. Sure, I'm looking to get more into film and there are more jobs there. Sure, I like beaches and hiking and camping, along with not having to travel for 3 hours to get to said activities. Sure, there are certain people I can't wait to see. Sure, I need a fresh start to go with this new person I've been becoming over the last year or so.
But honestly, more than anything... WHY NOT?
I'm 25! I'm independent! I'm young, smart, and beautiful! There is literally no better time to pick up my whole life and move it across the country just to see what happens.
So, rather than spend all my time looking back at what I'm going to miss, I've been trying to focus my energy into looking ahead at what could be. What this could mean for my life and my goals. Honestly, I've spent a lot of my time since making this decision in a pretty negative place, but that is all fear talking. Change is not easy. NY taught me that. It also taught me a lot about hope. I'm gonna let hope talk for a while.
And hey, LA may not be the master teacher that NYC has been, but everyone has something to teach, right?
And just to make the transition a little easier, MJ and I will be taking a 10 day roadtrip from NYC to LA, as a last hoorah, and fulfilling the dream of 'that trip' we always talked about taking together. It's going to be crazy fun, as long as we both make it out alive. (Just joking of course. Sort of.)
Yes, I'm scared. And I have the feeling that I will be looking back on these years with a lot of fondness and a little nausea for years to come.
But I'm also excited. And getting more excited every day.
Plus, you know, I can always move back ;-)
But I've changed. I'm ready to move on with my life, I need a place where I can grow. Dammit, I need space!
I guess I just have to say it.
NYC: I'm breaking up with you.
Yes, folks. This die-hard NY fan, accustomed and addicted to 4 am last calls, 24 hour delivery, broadway plays, subway musicals, and an unbeatable skyline is moving, of all places, to LA.
Take a moment. Shed a tear. I've shed a more than a few trying to come to terms with this.
The weird thing is that this really feels like a break-up. I have all sorts of emotions going on right now, ranging from sadness to excitement to guilt to nostalgia... It's driving me insane. How have I reached the point where I feel like I'm betraying a fucking city?? I wasn't born here, I haven't even reached the full 10-year New Yorker requirement, and god knows if I was in a relationship with NYC it was bipolar and emotionally abusive AT BEST.
But for some reason, I do.
The journey from 18 to 25 is rocky for everyone. It's when you go from trying to make your life what you THINK you want it to look like, to actually figuring out what YOU want, independent of anyone else. Screw puberty, this is the time I went from childhood to adulthood.
And, barring a couple of months here and there, I did it all in New York.
When I think back about the person I was when I came here, I know that my core beliefs really haven't changed. Be nice to people, don't murder, baby animals are awesome, etc. But I have changed in many big and small ways. Whether giving me the opportunity to meet incredible/awful people, go to incredible/awful performances, or see incredible/awful sights right on the street, I have to say that NYC is certainly a city of abundance. More than anything, an abundance of opportunities to learn.
Since being here, I've learned more than I ever dreamed about acting, friendship, drinking, mental and physical health, love, success, failure, sex, connection, being alone... So many lessons crammed into just 7 years. Not all of it was fun to learn. In fact, most of it wasn't. But I am a better, smarter, and tougher person for all of it.
And, let's be honest, I had a hell of a lot of fun in between.
I could list all the reasons here why I'm moving to LA. The problem is, those reasons change on a day-to-day basis. Sure, I'm looking to get more into film and there are more jobs there. Sure, I like beaches and hiking and camping, along with not having to travel for 3 hours to get to said activities. Sure, there are certain people I can't wait to see. Sure, I need a fresh start to go with this new person I've been becoming over the last year or so.
But honestly, more than anything... WHY NOT?
I'm 25! I'm independent! I'm young, smart, and beautiful! There is literally no better time to pick up my whole life and move it across the country just to see what happens.
So, rather than spend all my time looking back at what I'm going to miss, I've been trying to focus my energy into looking ahead at what could be. What this could mean for my life and my goals. Honestly, I've spent a lot of my time since making this decision in a pretty negative place, but that is all fear talking. Change is not easy. NY taught me that. It also taught me a lot about hope. I'm gonna let hope talk for a while.
And hey, LA may not be the master teacher that NYC has been, but everyone has something to teach, right?
And just to make the transition a little easier, MJ and I will be taking a 10 day roadtrip from NYC to LA, as a last hoorah, and fulfilling the dream of 'that trip' we always talked about taking together. It's going to be crazy fun, as long as we both make it out alive. (Just joking of course. Sort of.)
Yes, I'm scared. And I have the feeling that I will be looking back on these years with a lot of fondness and a little nausea for years to come.
But I'm also excited. And getting more excited every day.
Plus, you know, I can always move back ;-)
Saturday, February 25, 2012
Edging Out Your Competition
I'm thinking of a person. Well, a sort of person. You know this person. In fact, I'll bet you know quite a few of them. You may even have seen them today. Not in person, of course... that would be too risky.
But you did see (coughstalkcough) them on facebook.
"Who is this person??" you may ask. "How do you know about them? How did you know I look at (coughobsessovercough) their facebook photos?"
Oh, my child. I know. I know, because I know this person too. And I make the same mistake you do.
This person is the perfect person. They have a perfect face. They have a perfect body. They have perfectly cool pictures. They have a perfect balance of work and fun. They have a perfect life.
You compare yourself to them. And, without fail, you come up short.
Come on guys, I can't be the only person who does this. At first, it's innocent, just scanning the facebook feed. Then you see something, and go to a profile. You start clicking through pictures.
And the next thing you know, it's 30 minutes later, you have determined without a doubt that this person has the perfect (insert face, body, job, anything really), and that not only do you not have said perfect thing, but you never will, and whereas 30 minutes ago you were a perfectly normal and adequate human being, you are now an unworthy, inferior cockroach.
Ok, maybe it's not that dramatic. But you know what I mean.
Psychologists have a term for this phenomenon. They call it "shitty comparison shopping".
Ok, maybe they don't call it that. But you know what I mean. And it DOES happen. All the time.
To get all personal with this issue, I've recently started a new kind of workout with my trainer called CrossFit. Basically, you do 5 different exercises for 60 seconds each, doing as many reps as you can. You keep counting through all 5 exercises, and at the end you write your number down. You do this 3 times, and then try to up your number from session to session.
Sounds simple enough? Yeah, it sounds simple. To put it mildly, for someone who hates cardio and the gym in general, it's a fucking nightmare.
I know it's a good workout, and I know it will help my endurance and all that, but it's still a rough 15 minutes, and the only thing keeping me from ripping off the scrotum of anyone near me is my awesome trainer, who knows just when to encourage, give tough love, or tell a cheesy joke.
My number shot up since last week, so of course I should be proud of the work I'm doing. And I was even starting to feel sort of good about it... until the dreaded facebook shitty comparison shopping trap.
I've really been trying to improve myself lately, mostly having to do with my physical health. I don't feel good when I go to the gym; in fact it makes me angry and upset. Very often (most recently 2 nights ago) when I push myself hard, I start crying.
Yep. Fucking crying. Like a little girl.
But I go anyway. I don't get the endorphins, but I go anyway. And I've seen major changes in m body. Not to boast, but a lot of other people have too.
Every woman has a different body type. Mine is generally lean with curves, mostly on the lower half. Yes, I'm happy with it. I don't want to look like a stick, I like feeling feminine and my butt-aciousness is usually a big part of that.
But when you fall into the SCS trap, you will always find another person with a smaller waist, or bigger boobs, or nicer hair, or prettier eyes, or better skin, or or or or or...
(this can continue for a while)
And suddenly it doesn't matter that you looked in the mirror 5 minutes ago and were happy with what you saw. You feel like shit.
So, what have we learned here?
Comparing yourself to others is not a path to happiness. Some use it as motivation, I suppose, but it seems quite a lofty and unrealistic goal to become someone else.
Spoiler alert: It's never gonna happen.
If you're trying to get better, compare yourself to... yourself. When I noticed myself getting caught up in SCS, I looked at a picture on my camera taken about a year and a half ago:
This is me at around 160-165 lbs. Yes, I know it's a far cry from obesity, but I was not happy with it.
Now, having that picture in my head of... let's call her Past Rachel, I can now look at myself in the mirror and think "Damn. I kicked that girl's ass! I'm so much better looking than her!"
Better lighting and photo quality nonwithstanding, this is me clocking it at about 140 lbs.
I'd say Present Rachel wins this battle.
I'm making an effort to remind myself that the only person I should be comparing myself to is the me of yesterday. And if the me of today isn't winning, get up and do something about it.
You can only be the best version of YOU. Deep down, don't you want it that way?
But you did see (coughstalkcough) them on facebook.
"Who is this person??" you may ask. "How do you know about them? How did you know I look at (coughobsessovercough) their facebook photos?"
Oh, my child. I know. I know, because I know this person too. And I make the same mistake you do.
This person is the perfect person. They have a perfect face. They have a perfect body. They have perfectly cool pictures. They have a perfect balance of work and fun. They have a perfect life.
You compare yourself to them. And, without fail, you come up short.
Come on guys, I can't be the only person who does this. At first, it's innocent, just scanning the facebook feed. Then you see something, and go to a profile. You start clicking through pictures.
And the next thing you know, it's 30 minutes later, you have determined without a doubt that this person has the perfect (insert face, body, job, anything really), and that not only do you not have said perfect thing, but you never will, and whereas 30 minutes ago you were a perfectly normal and adequate human being, you are now an unworthy, inferior cockroach.
Ok, maybe it's not that dramatic. But you know what I mean.
Psychologists have a term for this phenomenon. They call it "shitty comparison shopping".
Ok, maybe they don't call it that. But you know what I mean. And it DOES happen. All the time.
To get all personal with this issue, I've recently started a new kind of workout with my trainer called CrossFit. Basically, you do 5 different exercises for 60 seconds each, doing as many reps as you can. You keep counting through all 5 exercises, and at the end you write your number down. You do this 3 times, and then try to up your number from session to session.
Sounds simple enough? Yeah, it sounds simple. To put it mildly, for someone who hates cardio and the gym in general, it's a fucking nightmare.
I know it's a good workout, and I know it will help my endurance and all that, but it's still a rough 15 minutes, and the only thing keeping me from ripping off the scrotum of anyone near me is my awesome trainer, who knows just when to encourage, give tough love, or tell a cheesy joke.
My number shot up since last week, so of course I should be proud of the work I'm doing. And I was even starting to feel sort of good about it... until the dreaded facebook shitty comparison shopping trap.
I've really been trying to improve myself lately, mostly having to do with my physical health. I don't feel good when I go to the gym; in fact it makes me angry and upset. Very often (most recently 2 nights ago) when I push myself hard, I start crying.
Yep. Fucking crying. Like a little girl.
But I go anyway. I don't get the endorphins, but I go anyway. And I've seen major changes in m body. Not to boast, but a lot of other people have too.
Every woman has a different body type. Mine is generally lean with curves, mostly on the lower half. Yes, I'm happy with it. I don't want to look like a stick, I like feeling feminine and my butt-aciousness is usually a big part of that.
But when you fall into the SCS trap, you will always find another person with a smaller waist, or bigger boobs, or nicer hair, or prettier eyes, or better skin, or or or or or...
(this can continue for a while)
And suddenly it doesn't matter that you looked in the mirror 5 minutes ago and were happy with what you saw. You feel like shit.
So, what have we learned here?
Comparing yourself to others is not a path to happiness. Some use it as motivation, I suppose, but it seems quite a lofty and unrealistic goal to become someone else.
Spoiler alert: It's never gonna happen.
If you're trying to get better, compare yourself to... yourself. When I noticed myself getting caught up in SCS, I looked at a picture on my camera taken about a year and a half ago:
This is me at around 160-165 lbs. Yes, I know it's a far cry from obesity, but I was not happy with it.
Now, having that picture in my head of... let's call her Past Rachel, I can now look at myself in the mirror and think "Damn. I kicked that girl's ass! I'm so much better looking than her!"
Better lighting and photo quality nonwithstanding, this is me clocking it at about 140 lbs.
I'd say Present Rachel wins this battle.
I'm making an effort to remind myself that the only person I should be comparing myself to is the me of yesterday. And if the me of today isn't winning, get up and do something about it.
You can only be the best version of YOU. Deep down, don't you want it that way?
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