I Have Only One Burning Desire

Yes yes, I know I already blogged today, but the weather outside is just frightful, and there's something about falling snow that makes me contemplative and want to express ideas in my poorly-constructed blogs that no one reads. In any case...

I had an audition this afternoon for a student film. It sounded really cool, and both of the female roles sounded like people I could play, and it looked like it had the potential for good reel material. But to be honest, the weather today is wet wet snow and slush, and no one wants to go out in that crap without a really good reason.

You know, it's hard to be a good liberal and support the global warming theory when this has been the slushiest and snowiest winter I've seen in a while... but I digress.

As flaky as it is, I was thinking about calling and cancelling my time slot when I saw something that caught my attention, to put it mildly.

The director had us all sign up on a digital, online schedule. It was formatted in such a way that you could just write your name next to the time slot you wanted... and you could see the other names of everyone who was auditioning.

And whaddaya know, I found some very interesting names.

To protect the innocent, I will not be terribly specific, but there were two other girls on that list that I know. Now I don't know either of them very well, and they both seem to be very nice people, but all three of us have one thing in common. And I don't know whether it was just that I know them or if it was this common bond, but let me tell you: Seeing those names on the list LIT A HELLFIRE UNDER MY ASS.

Now, you would think I would be raring to go either way. This was a totally improv audition, which I always do the best at, and it wasn't paid so there was no pressure, just go and have fun. But all of a sudden I was infused with this pure energy of competitiveness.

I know that acting is in itself a very competitive business; that every audition I go to I am up against dozens to hundreds of other talented, beautiful girls. For some reason, my brain doesn't really click into the competition part of it. I mostly see it as a competition against my past self, doing better every time. But this time, something in me was dying to beat these specific girls out for either of the roles.

This sense of direct competition shocked, energized, and excited me. I was super confident because of my recent casting, and I had plenty of sleep last night, and inconvenient though it is, snow never fails to make me smile. So I threw on clothing, tossed my headshot folder in a plastic bag, and sped away.

The audition went great. I was loose, and I don't think I did my absolute best, but it felt good and natural, and I was right: it was a lot of fun. And no awkwardness, because I guess since I was the first one to sign up, the other two girls made sure their time slots were nowhere near mine. Smart move, ladies.

As you know, I am constantly looking for motivators and ways to keep me and my ADD self on task. Now that I know I can feel this Project Runway-era desire to stamp out the competition, I'll try and recreate it whenever I'm feeling a little listless.

Just remember who you're up against. See if it doesn't light YOUR fire.